For The Family Parenting
There are two types of toddlers. The “I do it myself!” toddler and the “I can’t do it!” toddler. Some kids evolve and develop a new go get ‘em attitude as they get older, but some kids don’t. If you have an “I can’t do it!” kid you are probably having some daily struggles. Getting dressed, doing homework and cleaning up can be major challenges. But don’t worry, it’s never too late to teach kids that yes, they can do it – and no, they don’t need your help. Here are a few tricks to get the ball rolling. Are you frustrated with hearing "I can't do it" every time your child has a challenge?
Here is how to turn that attitude around. Stop rescuing your kids. It is tempting to jump in and rescue your kids when you see them struggling. Unfortunately, this can exacerbate the “I can’t do it” attitude. When you help, you are inadvertently conveying to your kids that you agree they can’t do it. Instead, walk them through it. Say things like, “Clean up all your clothes first and then I will tell you what to do next.” Teach them one step at a time. When teaching things like tying shoes, let them master one step before moving on to the next. Kids learn best with hands-on practice, so be sure to give them an opportunity to do it themselves. Even if you help, let them do the last step. There will be times when your kids just can’t do it.
Younger kids might struggle with getting their arms through their shirt or completely tying their shoes. Older kids might struggle with school projects or a very messy room. It is not helpful to let your kids sink into despair. If you think they are not going to get it, help them – but back away right before they complete the task. It is crucial to let kids feel the success of completing the task independently even if it is just the last step. Reframe their negative thinking after an accomplishment. Once your kids have done a task or activity be sure to reframe their negative thinking. You can say something like, “See! You thought you couldn’t do it, but you could. You stuck with it and you didn’t give up!” Reframing their “I can’t do it” attitude will help them internalize their successes and will slowly chip away at their negativity. Let them be the family expert. You want to slowly empower your kids. What are their skills and talents? Highlight their strengths and make them your family expert.
You can say things like, “I don’t know, you should ask your brother, he knows the most about animals.” Or “Ask your sister to help you, she is great at organizing things. ”Highlighting what your kids are good at will help them adopt a positive self-image and will help discourage the “I can’t do it” mentality. Having kids who constantly feel like they can’t do things can be draining for them and for you. Although these tips aren’t going to change your kids overnight, using these approaches consistently will slowly start to alter your children’s “I can’t do it” belief
Practical Parenting Skills
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Five Reasons Christian Parents "Lose" Their Children:
It is a great anxiety of Christian parents; wondering if their children will grow up Christian, or if they will stay Christians as they move into their own adult lives. Youth pastors have all experienced the pressure of well-meaning parents asking how they will “drive in” Christianity to their children. Books have been written, and special classes are held in churches designed help parents understand how to “keep your children Christian” through college. However, the real reasons children go up to reject the faith of their Parents has little to do with education and apologetics. Here are the five greatest reasons parents “lose” their children from Christianity:
1.) Falling into the temptation of using religion to control their children through guilt and shame.“ Jesus is watching you!” Even the best parents can find themselves wanting some divine backup in a conflict with their children. However, using God for intimidation in a conflict with children has two major issues. First, it means children are associating God as “against them.” Second, it means that the parent is not building a personal relationship of trust with the child. It is better for parents to use their faith to help the child understand the reason the parent, themselves, act the way they do. We need more of “God gave you to me and I am doing my best to honor that gift by raising you well.” We need less of “God says to obey me, and you are disobeying God.”
2.) The parents seem to be afraid of the world, instead of empowered to live in it. Christians see themselves as “apart from the world, ” but that is so we can help the world, not be afraid of it. Christian parents who constantly talk about the world as an evil, malevolent, and dangerous place which must be avoid as much as possible, it paints a grim view of the future for young adults wanting to find their own place in life. If a parent lives in fear of the world, the children will pick up on that and will naturally seek alternative beliefs. Christ did not give us a spirit of fear of the world, but compassion for it.
3.) The children do not see the parents drawing any joy from their faith. If a parent’s religion is maintained out of guilt and obligation, their children will pick-up on that burden. If parents are full of joy, love, and enthusiasm for their faith and community, their children will pick-up on that as well. How a parent behaves in their faith is more important than what they tell their children about their faith. A parent can be the best apologetics scholar in the world, they will not win over their child while they are spiritually depressed.
4.) The children are discouraged from finding answers to their questions. Each generation of young Christians are going to challenge their parents with new questions about Christianity in the modern world. It is impossible for parents to prepare for or know all the answers for these questions. The only way to address this need is for parents to ask these questions with their children. Parents who ignore, suppress, brush off, or give trite simplistic answers to their children’s questions are at risk of greatly frustrating them. No one needs to have all the answers. Children will not only respect a “I don’t know, let’s find out together, ” they will remember such journey’s for the rest of their lives. It is also the most powerful opportunity for a parent to grow in their faith, to experience Christianity again through young eyes.
5.) The children believe they have nothing to offer the Christian community. Parents who are engaged and active in a church community are more likely to have children who find ways to participate in the Christian community at large. Parents and churches have a responsibility to help children know they have gifts, talents, and inspiration that are not only welcome in the community, they are vital to it. If children feel like Christianity is just following other people, it will not be relevant to them as they grow. Christianity needs to be understood as something we all work together to build. If Christ Inspires You, You Will Inspire Your Children Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6, ESV)Even the best parents will still seem to “lose” their children for seasons as they grow. A person’s faith must be their own, and often that means they have to depart from it for a time. The bottom line is that the best way to make sure your children will grow up in Christ, is if you are growing in Christ. Examine your own heart and your own life. Is it something to look up to? When a child looks at their parents, they see their future. How does their future look?
12 TRUTHS TO TEACH KIDS GODLY SELF-CONFIDENCE:
Truth #1: My love for you lasts forever, and it’s because of this love that I’m always wanting to be close to you. (Jeremiah 31:3)
Truth #2: I know all of your thoughts—your good ones and bad ones—and I know every part of you. Don’t be afraid to share your heart with me. (Psalm 139:1)
Truth #3: You were handmade by me—perfectly crafted by my hands—and I call my creation of you “marvelous.” (Psalm 139:14)
Truth #4: Even when things are hard, let my deep love for you remind you that I will be there to help you through it. (Isaiah 43:2)
Truth #5: I will never stop loving you, my child, and nothing can separate you from my love. (Psalm 136; Romans 8:31-39)
Truth #6: My love for you is not conditional. You can never earn my love—it is simply a gift I give to you. (Ephesians 1:4, 2:4-5)
Truth #7: Stay connected to me and I promise to fill your life with good things in every season. (Psalm 1:1-3)
Truth #8: Because I love you and care about you, I want to replenish your soul when you are tired and give you strength to do more than you could hope or imagine. (Isaiah 40:28-31, Ephesians 3:20)
Truth #9: Don’t worry about what others think. Choose to let my voice guide you over the roar of the crowd. My truths will bring you the rich, full life that you’re looking for. (Proverbs 4:5-22; John 10:9-10)
Truth #10: I am always good, even during the hard times. Trust my wisdom and judgment and let me direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Truth #11: Should you make a mistake, be quick to tell me about it so that nothing comes between us in our relationship. (Psalm 32:3-5). Remember, I love you as-is and at all times. (Hosea 2:14-23)
Truth #12: I love to bring new life out of the sin or difficulties in your life. Let me use them to give you a testimony of my love for others too! (2 Corinthians 1:3-7)